Stop Stressing and Find Serenity During the Holidays

The holidays can bring added stress and responsibilities for family caregivers and their loved ones.  This stress can stir up painful emotions, thoughts, and actions which, in turn, can spoil the festivities and lead to exhaustion, frustration, and disappointment.   

Here are some tips to help family caregivers reduce stress for themselves and their care recipient during the holiday season.  They are offered to you with the hope that, even in the midst of illness and life losses, you may find a new joy and satisfaction in the loving adaptations you make on behalf of your yourself and the one(s) for whom you care.

Tips for Relieving Holiday Stress

• Practice Compassionate Self-awareness 

Be aware and mindful of your body sensations, thoughts, feelings that come up, and how they bundle together to drive your behaviors.  Be aware of the whole range of human experience, including painful emotions, with an attitude of acceptance.  Hold yourself with kindness, care for yourself, and recognize that we are all human, with blessings and imperfections.  Be conscious of your blessings, and be kind to yourself as you encounter life’s challenges.

• Inventory Your Values, Needs and Desires 

Rather than just trying to do everything in the same way that you used to do it, assess what is most important about the holiday season to you, and how you might realistically meet your needs and desires in peaceful, less stressful ways.

• Set Realistic Expectations 

Recognize that the holidays are different now, and it’s okay to simplify and/or modify the festivities.  Better to scale back and enjoy activities that are manageable than to drive yourself into exhaustion by overdoing.

• Simplify and Create New Traditions 

Choose one or a few meaningful traditions and identify the underlying reasons why they are meaningful – such as family togetherness, religious practices, or expressions of love.  Then problem solve how to simplify, scale back or create more doable ways of celebrating that will speak to what is meaningful to you, bring joy, and accommodate your loved one’s needs and abilities.

• Plan Ahead 

After you have determined meaningful ways to celebrate which are doable and less stressful, plan ahead well in advance.  Early planning will further reduce stress and make it more likely that you will succeed with your plans.  It will also allow you to communicate your strategies with family members in plenty of time for them to make any needed adjustments in their own plans.

• Communicate 

Communicate openly and honestly with your family members and friends about your own needs, your loved one’s condition and needs, what you think will work best over the holidays, and your plans.

• Accept Help 

It is fine to ask for assistance from reliable and generous family and friends.  Ask those who are likely to respond positively.  When you approach them, ask for something specific which they can realistically do and feel good about.  Delegating tasks based on their individual abilities and availability will help them be successful at helping you.

• Maintain Boundaries 

Set boundaries to protect your own well-being.  It is okay to say no to activities or requests that are too demanding physically, emotionally, or mentally for you or your loved one. 

• Take Care of Your Health

Prioritize your own self-care – this is not selfish, it is essential.  The healthier you are the better you will be able to care for your loved one.  This is especially important during hectic or stressful times. Schedule short breaks for yourself to recharge, especially during family gatherings.  Maintain healthy eating habits and regular sleep hours.  If you are having trouble with your appetite, sleep, or energy level and you have already tried the practices that you usually find helpful, a visit with your own primary health care provider is in order.

• Manage Your Thoughts

Our emotions tend to follow our thoughts.  The more you can stop negative, critical, and hopeless thoughts and replace them with thoughts about what is positive, beautiful, and blesses your life the better you will feel.  In fact, research at Duke University showed that counting your blessings when you first wake up, or even better writing them down, reduces exhaustion and feelings of anxiety and depression by as much as 80%!

• Maintain Routine 

Stick to a consistent daily routine as much as possible to provide stability for your loved one and yourself.  It will help you maintain good nutrition, reduce fatigue, and protect sleep cycles.

• Create a Quiet Space 

Designate a quiet and comfortable space where you and/or your loved one can retreat if they become overwhelmed.

• Plan Outings Carefully 

If you decide to go out, either with or without your loved one, choose locations and times that are less crowded and noisy to reduce sensory overload.  Take into account your loved one’s best and most difficult times of the day, and how long they can comfortably participate in the activity.  Have an escape plan if the outing needs to be shortened.

• Use Visual Cues 

Create visual schedules and reminders to help your loved one understand plans and changes in routine.

• Avoid Overstimulation 

Limit decorations, lights, and noise that might overwhelm your loved one, especially if they have dementia.

• Listen to Music

Use familiar, soothing music to foster calmness and to engage your loved one.

• Practice Patience 

Be patient with your loved one, as well as with yourself, during challenging moments.   Allow adequate time for activities and preparations. Remember that changes in routines present challenges.  Remember to breathe, and use ways to decompress that have worked well for you in the past.  Know that the holidays do not have to go perfectly according to plans to still be meaningful and full of love.

Remember that every caregiver’s situation is unique, so adapt these tips to suit your family’s specific needs and circumstances. 

The most important thing is to create a peaceful and loving environment for your loved one and yourself during the holiday season so that you can celebrate in a way that is meaningful, enjoyable, and as stress free as possible.

Holiday Blessings to You and Yours!